Language Translation

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Not an Autism post: Is it Music or Fighting - the Ear of Mother Decides

Today I was talking with a friend who is expecting - again.  An accident - again.  Not really looking forward to it - again.  I listened to her and as she spoke I thought, "How sad that she does not realize the gift growing within her."

Many of us do not realize what we have if it comes easily to us.  I love to sing, always have.  I started singing before I could form a complete sentence.  My first public performance I was 3 years old.  I didn't appreciate my voice and what I could do with it until I could not do those things anymore.  It was mine, it was easy, and I took it for granted.  Did that make me a bad person?  

Granted, a child is a little more important than my voice, but the concept is the same.  A woman who has children she does not desire is not any different than someone who has or does something that is taken for granted.  The real tragedy is that the children suffer.  But voicing my idea of what a mother should be will not make that child suffer any less.  

I spoke with my friend about her feelings, and about my feelings.  It was not an easy conversation to have, but I needed to let her know that, while I did not feel as she did, I was still her friend and then gently let her know my views on the matter.

The idea is to help and not preach, to show and not shove.  If I can give my friends a view of life through my eyes, maybe they will see their children differently - if even for a day.  And seeing the view from her eyes I learn that life can be hard when you are functioning on no sleep - and not out of personal choice.  There is a difference in being tired because I decided to stay up late and right this blog vs. staying up late because your child is sick and needs comfort throughout the night.  One is much more important than the other, and mine is simply my choice - not a requirement.  If I quit typing and go to bed, no one will suffer for it, but if the mother with a sick child goes to sleep, her child suffers - so she cannot sleep.

On the other side of that view - I only wish I had a sick child.  Does that mean I think I would make the perfect mother?  No, I have too much of my parents and myself in me to ever be perfect at parenthood.  I do wish mothers would hug their children more.  Kiss them a little more, especially when they are out of the infant/toddler stages.  Children of all ages need love, more than anything else.  They will not remember if they felt hungry one day of the week because lunch was 15 minutes late, but they will remember that those 15 minutes were spent with mom's undivided attention.  

If children can feel, even once in a while, how very precious and wonderful they are then I am content.  It is a joy to hear a baby cry, I would give anything for a sleepless night with my baby.  Children figthing and arguing is not easy, but I would trade any woman on this earth in a heart beat for the empty silence in my home.  Their crying and fighting is as music filling the empty depths of my aching heart.  I do not wish for children to be contentious and ill-tempered.  But I know that those things are inside each of us, and I would rather have only that than the barren waste staring me down.  They are learning and it is not easy.  Even though they are learning, they are still worth infinite love.  The worth of a person never changes, only their worthiness.  Blessings depend upon worthiness, but love is given freely to all because all are of infinite worth.