"Don't Let Go!!!"

As I begin this post, I want to start with a song.  Each time I listened to this song, I thought of another one of you who have contacted me, expressing the heartache and pain that comes with being a loving one of a special needs person.  I want you to listen with your heart and your mind.  Hear the words speak to you.  If you feel like crying, do so.  Listen to it as many times as you need or desire to.  Then come back and read the rest of this.  At the end of my post there will be a link to listen to it again.  I want you to feel before you read the rest of what I have to say though.  It is vital that you truly listen with your heart to this song before you read the rest of this post.  Please.



Okay, another insert.  This post has been up for a week now,  and I was recently informed that the link no longer works.  So here is another artist singing the same song.  It is not as powerful, but the lyrics are the same and it is still moving.  I will let you know when the link is available again.  For now, here is the substitute.

Seeking With Hope

by Tara Washburn

Autistic individuals are often put into a spectrum. This spectrum of which you speak is an indicator showing how well your loved ones are able to adapt and function in society. I also have a spectrum, but when I use the word it has a very different meaning. There is nothing about your spectrum that remotely resembles my spectrum. Come with me for a moment and see life through my eyes.

Every person is on my spectrum. There are many that the world refers to as being on the low end of your spectrum that are actually on the highest functioning end of my spectrum. There are many that the world refers to as being very successful who use manipulative means to make circumstances suit them. These people are on the low end of my spectrum.

My spectrum measures function in the world differently. It measures only lies or truth. It measures from despotic darkness - black as a windowless room on the coldest winter night, to liberating light - light that is illuminating and as brilliant as the sun in the Sahara at noon.

I do not pretend to be the light or to even comprehend the light. But I’d like to share my understanding of it and how it relates to individuals that are placed on your spectrum.

How can a person, looking into darkness, see the light? The only way to comprehend the light is to turn and face it. I compare it to the light therapy that some children experience. Short glimpses of light give their eyes strength so that they eventually see clearly. Similarly, yet in a more symbolic way, one day we will have eyes to see. That day draws nearer and nearer each time we let the little flashes of light in, to penetrate the dark, obscure places of our minds.

We must turn and face the light, only then are we able to see it and comprehend it.  There are two major forces at work here, one pulling us to look at the dark and one pulling us to look at the light. Hatred and anger lead to darkness. Love and forgiveness lead to the light. “And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” (John 1:5) 

During moments when I feel I have looked into the light, I ask myself one question over and over again. “Why am I trying to use man’s tools to teach God?” I want people to avoid the dark, the lies and error created by the philosophies of men. I cannot give truth while pointing at the darkness and saying “Avoid this.” No. The only way to teach of the light is to show the light.

The light of truth is blinding when we are not used to seeing it. For example, imagine that you are outside on a very dark night and all you see is darkness. Suddenly, a brilliant flash of lightning streaks across the sky right in front of you. Initially you will flinch and be full of both fear and wonderment at the same time. So much is determined in that flash of light. You have a choice to make. You can cling to the fear of the lightning, so brilliant and so powerful and so scary, or you can cling to the wonderment, so new and different, and yet somehow enticing.

I have heard often from many the sentiment, “Avoid fear at any cost.” Now, my “black and white” brain tells me that statement means to run away from fear. We all experience fear, it is a part of life and at times it’s not possible to run away from it, so I modified it slightly to say what I think the true message is and make it more meaningful. “Avoid the fear of fear at any cost.”

Consider the wise words of Yoda:

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."

Leigh Brackett (screenplay), Lawrence Kasdan (screenplay), and George Lucas (story).

(I don’t know which of the three authors to credit, so I will credit all three.)

There is truth in these words. Fear is a tool of darkness. There are countless quotes about avoiding fear that are quoted frequently. Very few of them mention courage. Fear does not understand courage. What about quotes concerning courage? The vast majority of them mention fear in relationship to courage. It is interesting to me that when we are focused on courage, fear takes its proper place - that of providing contrast to courage. In like manner the light that shines in darkness is incomprehensible. The darkness serves only to contrast the light. When we are looking in the right direction, fear and darkness lose their power and courage and the light of truth shed a glow of peace over all we survey.

At the end of the day, we either choose the fear that leads to hatred and suffering, or we choose the courage that leads to love and healing. There is no other path really. All paths lead in either one direction or the other. All choices ultimately end in one place: we either cling to the darkness or we embrace the light.

There are several ways that the world can do harm to your loved ones. There are selfish, greedy people who take advantage of others. There are evil people who molest and make afraid. There are misguided people who unintentionally do harm. There are clumsy and careless people who maim by mistake. Yet, focusing on the situations that bring harm and the individuals responsible for those situations will not bring the light to those who are seeking for answers and truth. It may “take down” one more institution or individual, but it will not stop the abuse, the lies, the greed and the corruption that are at the heart of the matter. If you try to fight them using their weapons, you lose. Period. You cannot experience a victory for light using darkness. That is what this is all about really. This is all about that eternal struggle which is climaxing to the final battle - the battle that will decide for eternity the fate of each one of us. 

The light is what we must comprehend. The light is what we must seek, not the avoidance of the dark. Now, more than ever, we are in great need of those who see the light, even if only dimly. We need voices that will step up and say there is a better way, a different way, a higher road. Love will bring about healing and miracles. Hatred will only breed more suffering and pain. No matter your belief system, from atheist to the most devout of any sect, there is a universal truth found here. Call it energy, call it the spirit, call it karma, call it whatever you wish. The thought is found in every belief system, because it is an inescapable, eternal truth. Love, pure, unconditional, and unadulterated is the path we must seek. Any other path is stepping away from who we truly are inside.

I believe there has been plenty of suffering already. I have seen over and over again the results in homes that cling to fear - the pain and anguish that never seem to vanish out of their lives. I have seen the results in homes that embrace truth - the healing and light seem to permeate not only those who live there, but all who enter. When I enter this kind of home I leave feeling as though I have been in Heaven for a moment. I have seen other children on the “spectrum” who are likewise affected.

If you truly want to help your child, do the thing that is hardest for a parent to do: forgive those whom you feel have wronged your precious one, no matter the motive and reason for the wrong. Forgive and then add love to the mix and you will see your child light up and come out a little more. Maybe, just maybe, the reason he covers his ears and rocks is because the darkness is creeping into those around him. 

I had an experience a short time ago that demonstrated this to me. There have been three times in my life where the emotions from others around me were so strong that I literally began to be in physical pain from them. Usually, I say that the reason my body is weaker than usual is due to a lack of sleep or something else, like not following my GFCF diet (which is a huge weakening factor for my body - but that is a discussion for another time). Today, however, was different. I asked myself and searched from within until I found the answer. I was reacting to the emotions of several people, but two in particular were affecting me more than the others who were nearby. There was a heaviness in their hearts, an anger, a malice, the hurt of those who have been betrayed by someone close. It was a pain that was acute and deep. As I experienced this physical phenomenon, I wondered, “What it is that makes us so ready to embrace the dark and run from the truth?”

My mind tried to grasp and make sense of it all. Yet, my heart kept telling me that I needed to understand this and to just feel it for now. A sweetheart of a friend who had been with me at the time started telling me the same thing; that I just needed to feel it and let myself go through it and then I could understand it. I took the advice of my heart and my good friend.

I have known physical pain, much physical pain. I have known the darkest depths of emotional pain. Yet, the pain I experienced that day was worse than anything I have experienced before. It was not only an emotional and physical pain, but it was also a very deep spiritual pain. It made me shake. I literally could not move, could not find my voice - each time I tried to speak I began stuttering uncontrollably. It frightened me. Plainly and simply, it scared me to my core. Why? The eternal beings within these dear friends were in fear of their lives.

Practicing what I preach, I looked my fear square in the face. I recognized that at the root of the situation was the truth that if we do not choose love, we will not win. If love is left off for revenge, then we are condemning our spirits to be left off for death. Not an actual, physical death, but a death nonetheless. A death that is much worse than the death of this physical shell. A spirit that is separated from God and the eternal connection to His love is as though it were dead. When we separate from that we become truly miserable and the darkness is all that is left. 

On the other side of this experience I found many truths, but one is especially pertinent to the subject at hand. The pain and the suffering around each special needs person (especially those who are non-verbal, whether they are on the “spectrum” or not) is very directly caused by the darkness which those around them refuse to release.

It may seem cliche and corny, but love truly is the answer. I speak this knowing full well concerning the abuses and cruelties of this world. I have experienced first-hand all manner of abuses, neglect and evil and I still know with all that I am that the answer is forgiveness and love. Without those I would have given up long ago.

Parents, you are here as the guardian and protector for those children who have no voice or whose voice is too quiet to hear; you are as a loud speaker for those of us who see the truth. We need you to testify of that truth. It seems all of humanity is climbing on board a plane that is headed for danger. We are on the ground shouting at the passengers to get off, but no one can hear us over the roar of the engines. You mother, you father, are the voice of those who see and comprehend the light. We need your voices to testify of that light. When there is a situation with a child on the “spectrum” and there is a choice between darkness and light, please choose carefully. Remember it is your child’s voice you are to share, not your vengeance and sense of justice. Choose wisely.

You will hinder or you will help. Embrace the light. Embrace healing. Embrace truth. Embrace love. Embrace God. Only then will the true light of your precious ones be seen; only then will the voice you have longed to hear ring in your soul like the joy of Christmas laughter. You have a choice, those who have been entrusted to you by God wait with anticipation; hoping that today may be the day you choose light.

Allow me to end this article with a quick word concerning hope. Hope is only found in truth. There can be false hope found anywhere. But I am speaking of true hope, the kind of hope that you can put your belief in, the kind that you can put your trust in. That powerful kind of hope brings with it light and courage.  It brings the strength to do what must be done, no matter the obstacles and challenges. This kind of hope is the kind that purifies and leads us eventually to ultimate truths and to the end result: pure, healing, cleansing, transforming love. It is in this love, the love that is born of hope, that we find the answers and meaning and purpose of all things. 

When parents and children understand each others' hearts and emotional needs, the therapies are enhanced.  A focus is achieved, supporting the therapies necessary for helping your child, maximizing the benefits of those therapies.  Parents and the child work together, not to "fix" the child, but to help him grow at a healthy pace.  This give and take in communications of the heart allows the physical and mental breakthroughs that he is capable of, but is unsure of pursuing because he is insecure of how the family dynamics will change.  You, as the parent, stand - a pillar of positive support and encouragement one trying day at a time; you help to ground him and be focused on the task at hand.  You help him stay in the present because you are safe and secure and his heart feels safe with you.  

If you seek answers, start with the heart.  Answers are found in the quiet whisperings of the soul, and the peaceful longings of the heart, all of which pull us to God's love, God's arms, and the feeling of home.

Seek.  Hope.  Embrace truth.  Find love.

*This is a blog about my own life and my own experience.  If you choose to follow anything written here, you do so without any claim on me for problems or complications that may arise.  I am not a doctor.  I have no degree.  I am not a professional.  This is my perspective and experience, that's all.  If you don't think you should do something on here, then don't.*