I have had many comments and questions about one subject that I have been hesitant to address in such a public forum. But the same topic keeps coming over and over again. So, before we go on, know that this is a very age-sensitive topic. I do not want to embarrass anyone, and I certainly hope no one is offended by this topic.
I receive somewhere in the neighborhood of 90-150 e-mails every week that pose the same basic problem: My child is touching him/herself in public. My son/daughter is gyrating in public and all the time at home, what do I do? How do I teach them this is inappropriate behavior?
First, let's talk about the gyrating. This is usually, not always, but usually a sign that his Sacral Chakra is out of balance. His Root Chakra could also be a contributing force behind this. But let's start here. The Sacral Chakra is the second energy center in the body. It relates to sexual and creative energies, as well as relationships that are intimate and affectionate but not sexual (such as a parent or a sibling or a dear friend). It also concerns the basic emotional desires and needs of a person.
Second chakra – Sacral chakra – Orange chakra - Swadhisthana
So now we are left again with our problem. Well. There are many things you can do in the home to help him balance this chakra so that it is happening in private and not in public. There are many exercises to balance this chakra as well as music and art. The art will tend to be based around the color orange. There are as many physical exercise videos and musical compositions as there are personalities. You can find many different forms on YouTube, there are app downloads for the iPhone (I'm sure for other phones as well), there are books upon books upon books about the Chakras and how to balance them. There are a few differences here and there, some use slightly different shades of color or use a different tonic key and so each succeeding key is off because the tonic is not correct. Generally I stay away from the trendy, "Americanized" versions of Chakra balancing and look for links on YouTube that are more basic videos and the overall feel of the music is more Asian than anything else.
There is a movement therapy that I can never remember the official name of, but I know it is used by OT's all the time. They have the child lay down and then move them from the legs or the hips or the ribs, etc. The idea is to get the body to relax enough that you are able to move him without any tension being felt. This kind of therapy is very helpful for getting the energy in the Chakra centers flowing again. It is very beneficial for the Sacral Chakra since most of the movement is based around loosening up the hips and the lower part of the trunk.
Something else that could be a factor is your child's neurological age. If he is physically 14, but neurologically he is 3 or 4, there will be a lot of problems with this. His body is still experiencing the chemical changes, but his mind is still in the curiosity-let's-find-this-out mode. That means he is more likely to experiment with what his body can do and will not at all be ashamed about doing it in public. It's like a new trick, like discovering that his finger fits perfectly into his nostril. For him it is the same kind of thing. Just as you will see a young child with their finger up their nose in public, you are going to see children who are teenagers, but neurologically much younger, "discovering" their bodies - often in public. You will probably react the same way any mother would react... "Honey, don't put your finger up your nose. Use a tissue." Well, he's not putting his finger up his nose because it needs to be cleared, he's doing it because it is a new tactile sensation and he is discovering his body. So, to him, the idea of a tissue is absurd. His finger is there to feel, not to clean out.
So. What can be done about it? At this point, very little. Except to continue to help him understand that it is inappropriate to do certain things in public. He'll get it eventually. And if you take the time to explain to those in your circle, they can help buffer and protect. Just as they would tell him to quit picking his nose. It isn't much of an answer, I know. But I hope that you can at least see this from a different perspective and understand why he is doing it and why he just doesn't get that it isn't okay. Especially if you tolerated other behaviors in public that were discovery behaviors for him...he will not understand why those discoveries were okay and these are not okay. The best thing is to help him understand as much about his body as you can when you are at home and in private. Then he will hopefully have less curiosity in public.
*This is a blog about my own life and my own experience. If you choose to follow anything written here, you do so without any claim on me for problems or complications that may arise. I am not a doctor. I have no degree. I am not a professional. This is my perspective and experience, that's all. If you don't think you should do something on here, then don't.*